Jack was a healthy 7 lb 2 oz, despite his (and mine) somewhat traumatic birth he seemed fine. I needed a number of stitches down below however and also ended up with what the doctor called “very angry piles!!!” I think I know why John Wayne walked the way he did: I felt like I had been on a horse for days.
Now I know breast feeding is meant to be best, and I had always planned to do this but I just could not get him to feed. You feel like such a failure, the more I tried the harder it got. I became very anxious. I am sure this stress was transmitting to Jack. It became very difficult but the nurses were excellent. To top it all, Jack ended up with Jaundice and had to be kept under a special light. They had to test his blood daily by taking samples from his heel. Little did I know that this would also lead to another discovery.
I wanted to go home, but because of Jack’s condition we had to stay in. In some ways it was a great help, it allowed me to adjust to now having to look after a baby. Although even with help from the midwives and nurses I could not get him to breast feed. They kept saying it was probably the jaundice making him lethargic.
I was very tearful, it was very difficult being on your own. Debbie was brilliant, but I did wish my mum would come and see me. She and Dad couldn’t handle the fact that I was pregnant out of marriage and did not want think to do me. This was the hardest cross for me to bear: I kept thinking that I should let Jack go for adoption.
On day 6 we were finally allowed to go. Debbie turn up with the car seat, we strapped him in and said goodbye to all the staff. I was feeling very nervous my one fall back was about to go, but I needed to learn how to stand on my own two feet at some point. Lets face it, millions of other women have done it. Then we got to the car and hit our first lesson in looking after a baby. How do you get the car seat in? We seemed to spend ages trying to thread the seat belt in here, there and everywhere. I was getting really worked up. Fortunately Jack remained asleep. I finally burst into tears again and Debbie went to get some help from the staff. They made it look so simple, I felt such a fool.
Finally we got home, I put Jack in the crib, said good bye to Debbie (she did offer to stay), then sat a looked at him for what seemed hours. Debbie had been a star again, she had stocked up all the cupboards and the fridge for me. We even got a take home pack from the hospital with all the essential supplies for Jack.
The next day I was due a visit from the Home visit midwife, it was then that I got the dreaded news: I needed to go to special centre because they thought that Jack had PKU. Apparently his blood had been screened for PKU and it had come up positive.
PKU, What is PKU? I’ve never heard of it before. Is it life threatening? How did he catch it? Can it be cured? What will I have to do? Its all my fault, if only…. If only, what? These were the thoughts that went racing through my mind.
To be continued.
Mary
For Part 1 of this blog: http://blog.nutricia.com/2008/05/23/a-single-mother%E2%80%99s-perspective-on-pku/
For Part 2 of this blog: http://blog.nutricia.com/2008/06/04/a-single-mother%e2%80%99s-perspective-on-pku-part-2/