Time seemed to have stopped after I was told that my baby had PKU. The midwife had gone and it had only just sunk in. I now had so many questions but where do I get the answers: there was no internet in those days.
I rang Debbie and cried my eyes out. She had never heard of this Phenylketonuria or PKU. She was very good though and suggested we sit down a write a list of the questions we needed to ask: she agreed to come with. I can’t remember what these were now but I do remember the process calming me down and giving me a sense of purpose.
We finally got to the clinic and were given confirmation that Jack had PKU after the second test. The thing that help me the most was access to other parents who had gone through the same experience and the NSPKU. The advice and help was excellent, I would urge any new parent who is told that their child has PKU to find and speak to others who have been through it. They are always happy to help.
I felt much happier, although a big blow at first, I could see my child would grow up to be a normal little boy. He wasn’t going to be disabled.
My biggest problem now was, “what do I tell his father?” He didn’t even know he had a son. Jack was the result of a one night stand at a stupid office party: it sounds so cliché but its true. I had this crush on this guy at work for ages, we were always flirting and after a few drinks it happened.
The sad thing was our friendship drifted apart after that, it was as if he had his prize and had moved on to the next quest. Oh how stupid we girls are sometimes.
When I found out I was pregnant there was no doubt who the father was: I wasn’t seeing anyone and he had been the only one for a while. Back then I thought mum would help, but when I told her the news, she freaked. I really couldn’t believe it, the mother who I had looked up to and considered my best friend now thought I was a slut and did not want anything to do with me. I think she even brained wash dad, because he took her side.
Debbie, my sister, stuck by me: she was a real rock for me. We went through all the options together: get rid of it, have it aborted or keep it. At that time my Jack was only an”it”. I couldn’t think of him as anything else. He had turned my life upside down and at that moment I could only see “it” as a burden!!!
Debbie soon made me see sense: I was going to keep him and this was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. From that moment I knew I was on my own (with the exception of Debbie) and I was going to show the world that I didn’t need any help. I told Debbie that I would not tell the father, she thought that was a bad idea.
Now nine months down the road, with a hell of a lot of water under the bridge I face this dilemma: did the father have a right to know?
To be continued.